Selalu

Selalu,

Mengapa aku harus menangis lagi hari ini ?

Aku menangisi diriku sendiri, hidupku. Ku mau segala kesedihan ini berakhir. Ku bersedih di tengah kebahagiaan orang-orang di sekitar ku.

Mengapa ini terjadi ? Mengapa aku harus mengalami semua ini ? Tidak adakah waktu untukku bahagia ?

Mengapa mereka memberikan janji yang tak pasti ?

Padahal hanya itu yang selama ini aku harapkan....

Akankah semua ini berakhir ?

Akankah datang masa dimana aku bisa bahagia ? tertawa lepas tanpa beban ???

Tidak adakah harapan lagi bagi ku ?

Ya Tuhan... hanya Kau tempat aku meminta...
Ku mohon dengan sangat, maafkan lah segala dosa ku dan ku mohon berikan lah aku kebahagiaan...

bitter_sweet_bitter_.... too much bitter....

Ha......
Ga bisa mikir jernih nih....... Gila... ini bukan yg gw pngen...
Today, there are so much bitter things come to me.. I think that I'm losing anything I love...
My best friend said on Sunday that he would not be here for a long time anymore. And he so thank for the relationship that he called a complicated friendship between us.... Oh, man !!! I was so glad to hear that, but on the other hand I feel so sad cause I will lose you....
You are my best friend...

36 degree evening

Last night, gw mimpi seseorang yg pernah gw anggap my last love in life… Hm…. Kok bisa ya ? Padahal udah lama lho gw ga mikirin doi lagee.. Ga ngerti dech… pokok nya that was sweet like candy. Hahahaha… U know, I wanna forget ‘bout that.. Tp…., tiba2 aja doi (si last love in life I thought) nyapa gw sambil ketawa gitu.. Waduh.. kenapa nich ? kaget gw.. Jangan2 doi tau kalo semalem gw mimpiin dia.. Hahaha.... Hahaha... ngaco... Udah ah.. jadi ngantuk nih...

pieces of ......

seminggu yg lalu gw maen k bogor, mampir di toko kaset nama toko nya apa ya ...? lupa dech gw.. Gw masuk toko itu, liat2 kaset (Kaya yg mau beli aja,.. sebenernya ga niat beli lho.. cuman iseng aja he..he..he..he..)
Enak nya di toko itu kaset nya ditata and dipisahin dengan amat sangat bagus... dipisahin berdasarkan kriteria lokal - interlokal, trus dari masing2 pemisahan itu dipisah lagi berdasarkan aliran musik, dari aliran musik, dipisah lagi disusun berdasarkan abjad.. pokok nya enak banget dech... kalo buat yang niat banget beli, bisa gampang nemu yang dicari... hehehehe... Nah....gw kan seneng nya denger lagu2 interlokal (coz lagu lokal dah kebanyakan yang puter, kadang gw suka agak bosen) jadi gw meluncur ke barisan rak kaset yg di atas nya ada kertas kuning (kok kuning sich ?!?!) yang lumayan gede and tebel ngegantung di langit2 bertuliskan "INTERNATIONAL ARTIST"... Di situ gw cari2 kaset nya Aaron Carter (he's my darling, sweety lovely boy I've ever wanted... he..he..he.. hyperbole bgt seeh...) Lho.. kok ga ada ? Masa sih ? Trus gw ulangi lg nyari dari awal, kali ini lebih konsen ha ha ha... and ternyata.. ada... album nya yg Most Requested Hits.. Hehehehe... my lovely, you're so cute... Hah... untung yg dipajang kaset yg itu, klo bukan yg itu, gw pasti pngen beli padahal kan ga ada budget... Kenapa untung ? Soalnya lagu2 di kaset itu udah gw download and jadi penghuni mp3 player gw.. oke dech... kalo Aaron my darling ada, gw terusin cari kaset band nya abang nya, si Nick.. And.. di sana ada sekitar 5 album terakhir BSB. 4 Album dari yg dipajang gw dah tau... Tp yg satu ini nih.. kayak nya yg paling baru dech soal nya gw blum tau (waktu masih skul dlu, gw ga prnah ketinggalan ngikutin perkembangan musik dunia.. berhubung dah ga skul lg and ga punya banyak kesempatan buat nongkrongin MTV, gw jd agak ketinggalan .. hm....) gw ambil trus gw liat daftar lagu nya.. emmmm emang baru nih, soal nya ga da yg gw kenal... trus gw balik liat cover nya and.. ??????? lho kok cuman berempat ? ga salah nih ?? gw perhatiin lagi, ini Nick, ini B-rock, AJ ama Howie.. Lho ? Kevin mana ???!!! Waduh... jahat nih Kevin kaya nya dah cao nih... Kok ga bilang2 gw sih ? (?!#$?!#?!?! emang siapa elo, ar ?!?!). Ye.. kenapa ya ? Gw blom denger tuh kabar nya... Pas lg mikir gitu, tmen gw nyamperin, ngajak balik ke sukabumi dah sore nih.... dan akhir nya gw balik, sepanjang pulang gw dah ga mikirin lagi kemana tuh perginya si Kevin... And... hari ini ni gw buka internet, tiba2 aja jadi kepikiran lagi.. oh iya ya... kevin kenapa cao dr BSB ya ? gw coba browse dech... and... berdasarkan apa yg gw baca ternyata Kevin emang udah ga di BSB lagi, doi dah cao coz kata Howie, Kevin mo break dulu, kenapa Kevin ? Cape ya ? 15 tahun ngurusin anak2 BSB yg kadang nyebelin ?? or coz dah ga muda lagi ? ya.. ga pa2 dech... Tp, 4 personel BSB yg lain ternyata ga mau break dulu and terus bikin lagu yang kata mereka sich mau dibikin jadi lebih dewasa (ya iya lah.. kan udah ga muda lagi...seumuran mamang gw gtu lokh) Hehehehe.... OK dech men... just go on....!!!

hard to understand

susah banget sich buat ngerti kalo sebenernya apa yang kita lakukan itu kurang tepat..
maksudnya... ngerti sich, tapi ga langsung ngerti, musti melalui banyak kejadian dulu baru sadar.. oh... ternyata ini tuh ga bagus ya, itu kurang gimana... trus kok jadi gini sich >>>????
Kaya sekarang nich gw baru ngerti ternyata selama ini gw cuman berkhayal. Dan....khayalan nya itu lho... waduh..... kejauhaaaaannnn.......
So impossible kaya nya.... Ngayal itu udah jadi kebiasaan buat gw. Ga tau dech, gw ga inget kapan mulai "menekuni" dunia khayal itu... Ya.....kadang buat gw ngayal itu perlu, but... buat apa ? Berhubung ngayal itu gw lakuin klo otak lagee ga waras, jd tujuannya kurang lebih cuman buat bikin gw ga terlalu sakit hati... Ngerti ? Ya, bayangin aja, misalnya di dunia nyata gw ketemu ma orang yg gini gini gini... tampang nya gini... suara nya gini.... Nah.... di dunia ngayal... orang itu bisa jadi sesuatu yang, eh ngga.... bukan sesuatu, tapi seseorang yang bisa bikin gw gitu gitu gitu.... Pokok nya yg sedikit bisa nyenengin hati dech... Hahahaha..
Tapi..... gw juga pernah, sering banget malah... pengen ketawa (sebenernya ketawa sich, tp dalem hati) klo ketemu orang itu (yang ada di dunia khayal gw, mksudnya) di dunia nyata... Klo berpapasan di jalan misalnya.. Hahahaha... ngaco dech gw....And... biasa nya gw suka ngerasa bersalah karena itu.. Oh my God....
Ya... gitu dech salah satu sisi buruk gw, kebanyakan ngayal yang ketinggiannn..... Sori aja dech buat orang2 yg gw libatin di dunia khayal are-rea-nee... Sori guys, gw ga maksud jahat kok...

That's It

i don't know why i dreamed of you last night. you know, it tasted sweet. i smile knowing that, until i realize it wasn't real. that was just a dream. hahahahaha.... i feel so sily, u know.
but, i miss your smile and all the days we spent together. hahahaha.... my heart can't stop laughing when i remember them... i don't know... may be i'm just getting a little lonely now. But no problem, i think i will face the days as i can. So, just relax and take it easy, gurlll !!!!

just crumble it up

a song by my brother. Hahahaha.....Enjoy !!!er

Don't Say A Word

By David Cook

Are you waiting for something
'cause there's a tension in the air
Of something unresolved
I can smell it in your hair
So step down (step down)
Look around (look around)
You could leave it all behind
Never hear another sound
Say you're holding onto someone
They will never show you the same

So don't say a word
That I wouldn't say
Just crumble it up
And throw it away
We're just wasting time
We're taking up space
So don't say a word
That I wouldn't say to you

Are you breathing for nothing
'cause there's a vision in my eye
Of something unresolved
I swear it feels like this could die
I can see (I can see)
To a degree (to a degree)
A broken back is always something
If you did it saving me
Say you're holding onto nothing
And it's showing all over your face

So don't say a word
That I wouldn't say
Just grumble it out
And throw it away
We're just wasting time
We're taking up space
So don't say a word
That I wouldn't say to you, to you

So don't say a word
That I wouldn't say
Just grumble it out
And throw it away
We're just wasting time
We're taking up space
So don't say a word
That I wouldn't say to you
That I wouldn't say to you
That I wouldn't say to you

this song makes my head being "ON MODE"

doin' nothing is bored

nothing I can do, ha......
Boseeeeennnnn........

song 4 today

denger lagu ny Kaci Brown, jd inget something funny, he..he..he...

I WILL LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN

By Kaci Brown

(To love again...)

drowning in tears that wont be me
I will soon be free from all these chains of all this pain inside
and though I cry it wont be long till I regain the strength to know
I can go on
I will find my way through the heart break
I will not give up on love
I believe

I will learn to love again
I will learn to trust
once this heart can start to mend
I will learn to/Learn to love again

all of these tears time will dry them I will survive them
and make it through into another day
all of this pain time will heal it
there’ll be a time sometime I know
I will feel it
I will live through life without you
after the hurting is done
I believe

I will learn to love again
I will learn to trust
once this heart can start to mend
I will learn to/Learn to love again

I will find someone
who deserves my touch after all the hurt is through
I will be so over you
I will not give up on love
I believe yeah

I will learn to love again
I will learn to trust
once this heart can start to mend
I will learn to/Learn to love again

Oh yeah yeah oh oh love again

(To love again...)

Thanks 2 Kaci 4 singing this song.
Love it.......

s w o o s h . . . . . . . .

God, you know what i want in my life

you know everything about me. And... you know i just wanna be a kind girl for everyone around me. I wanna have a good relationship with everyone around me, no exception. But.... the fact is i've got a bad relationship with some people here.

Huh..... i don't know what to do.

If i have to cry, i've cried

But it doesn't change anything

I always pray to you, God. I just wanna be okay

it looks so strange

there are so much things around here
everyone movin', talkin',
breathin', speakin' 'bout anything in their own time

some people talk to me
'bout their pain,
"it gets too hard", they said
"i can't bear it anymore"

but....
don't they know 'bout my pain ?
don't they care 'bout myself?

they just care 'bout their own selves

i don't know what they're thinkin' about
why do they always force what they want to do ?
can't they know the consequence to me ?
or they may not care...

and then...
what should i do ?

wanting something new

we are so tight....

sahabat, kalian sungguh berarti dalam hidup ku. ku sadari itu, selalu....tak pernah ku bayangkan sebelumnya.kalian akan berlalu dari samping ku. tapi kenyataan memang pahit. kalian harus tinggalkan ku di sini. ku tahu dari dulu...suatu saat, hari ini akan tiba
hari di saat kita tertawa untuk terakhir kali. hari di saat aku ingin memeluk kalian erat. hari di saat kalian terlihat begitu indah. hari di saat kita saling melambaikan tangan. kenangan indah bersama kalian yang ku sayang..tak akan pernah hilang. saat kalian pergi....tak bisa ku cegah. aku pun tak ingin mencegah. ku tahu itu yang terbaik untuk kita semua. kepergian kalian membuat hatiku sedih. ku hanya ingin melihat kalian tersenyum. tersenyum lah, sahabat...kita lalui hari-hari kita. dimanapun kita berada. kita tetap sahabat untuk selamanya

sahabat.....

there's no way out

guess...
i'm in trouble
nothing i can do...

ya...ya...ya....

aku hanya manusia biasa....
segalanya haruslah adil, itu yang mereka katakan
tapi mengapa hal itu tidak berlaku pada ku ?
aku tak pernah merasa diperlakukan adil oleh mereka...
awalnya aku tidak menyadari..
atau lebih tepat nya aku berusaha untuk tidak menyadari...

aku biarkan mereka lakukan apa yang mereka mau
walau aku tahu mereka melakukan sesuatu yang salah
ku tak pernah berusaha mencegah orang lain melakukan yang mereka inginkan, aku hanya mengingatkan...
tapi ada beberapa hal yang membuatku merasa tidak seimbang

aku tidak tahu, mengapa mereka membuatku terluka
mungkin mereka tidak menyadari..
tapi....
mungkin juga mereka menyadari tetapi tidak peduli
ya... ya... ya....
itulah manusia

manusia dengan segala keegoisan dalam dirinya
manusia yang tidak pernah mau dituntut atas kesalahan yang mereka buat
manusia yang lebih tidak peduli pada orang di sekitarnya
manusia yang selalu mengikuti nafsunya tanpa peduli akibat yang ditimbulkannya

this life is so complicated

this life is short....
i try to begin it as good as possible
i'd do what i wanna do
everything was so wonderfull for a while. i found someone i loved
i'd do anything to be close with him.
it was wonderfull, too wonderfull to me
i enjoyed that with all i had.....
but after day by day i through......
i almost lost it...

my language teacher had ever told me the words that
"Life is like a rotating wheel, there's a time when we are at the top and some times we have to be at below. So when you are at the top, don't be too excited because sometimes you can be fell. But, when you get down, don't be too afraid because someday you will find the way to make you rise again"

as my life, i always remember them...
And now I realize what it means
Life is like a wheel. A wheel that's complicated.

I almost can not feel my happiness, cause i think that i don't get my happiness now...
it's been hard enough for me
i try to face it as i can....

i try to survive with all my strength
i never wanna lose my strength
i make my self believe that there will be a better day for me.